Vacation

Where is the one place you would never want to go on vacation that other people seem to love?

I don't really do vacations. I like them in principle, but I just never took time in my twenties to travel like I would have liked. My vacation tastes have changed significantly during the years. I have absolutely no desire to do tropical locations anymore. Between the heat, humidity, mosquitos and beaches, it does not appeal to me at all. It's sort of like Atlanta for my friend. 

I also have no interest in going to new popular locations like Antarctica and the Arctic Circle. Seriously, people. Even Comedy Central recognizes that it's a bad idea to mess with some of our most delicate ecosystems. I'll save my climate change rant for another day. 

My ideas of ideal vacation spots are England, Ireland, Scotland (and Wales, just because it's there), Paris to visit the wee baby Henry, a yoga retreat in the mountains, a Buddhist monastery, or somewhere I can take Jon Snow. 

Where is your ideal vacation location? 

Am I a PROFESSIONAL Blogger?

Ha!

Nope!

No way in hell. At best, I consider myself an experienced amateur (yes, I actually meant to write that).

Do I want to be a professional blogger? Maybe. I enjoy writing, people seem to tolerate my opinions and some even find me amusing. I have a huge stumbling block. I'm not interested enough  in one particular topic to write about it for a considerable amount of time. I consider myself a jack of all trades, but master of none. I dabble in a bit of everything hobby-wise, and my interests are the same. Sometimes I am absolutely fascinated by a pressing political issue. Other days, I might write a review for one of my favorite restaurants. Occasionally, I whine. And I'm okay with that.

To me, professional blogging means that either your blog becomes a source of information or entertainment for a large audience or that your work is sought out by other online publications. Ideally, I would eventually like to be the second kind. I can write the hell out of an article about living and thriving with chronic diseases. I've written about and designed programs for everything from learning how to ask the right questions to suggestions on how to cope. If I could get my crap together, I would even do a vlog or two and answer questions.

In other news, my husband is back from a work trip to San Jose and it's always a joy when he comes home. I don't know how to end this post with anything else, because right now, it's the best feeling in the world. And I'm all about grabbing the great moments.

My Voice

Today's prompt is interesting.

Do you feel you have found your voice on your blog? What techniques have you tried to develop your voice in your writing? What are some characteristics of your personality in your writing?

I feel like I'm finally finding my voice on this blog after two years or so. I've always tried to be optimistic, but I came to the realization that life isn't that way. Certainly my life isn't always cheery and roses. So instead of trying to have a happy-go-lucky blog, I'm trying to be more of myself. Contemplative, morbid, sarcastic, and smart. And occasionally I try to be funny, but that's hit or miss. 

Developing my voice has been a work in progress. Part of it came from the insane changes in my life. I went from working full-time, having a good social life, working out with a trainer, and doing yoga on a regular basis to someone who hangs out on the couch most days because I'm either too sick from vomiting or pain to do anything. Don't get me wrong - I don't hate my life. I hate certain aspects of it, but I'm happy to be alive and kicking. I have an amazing husband, supportive family, caring friends and a great dog who keeps me laughing with his big doggie smiles. I am lucky to have a great medical team. I live in a fun apartment in a nice complex in a lovely town. I can see hills and mountains from the patio off of my bedroom. I am occasionally able to volunteer. 

And on days like today, I feel okay. It may not be a healthy person's version of okay, but for me, this is a banner day. I went on a twenty minute walk with my dog and we're getting ready to do it again. My pain is manageable without medication and I've only thrown up once in four days. My mind is clear enough that I can read and write and enjoy the sunshine and weather. I like to share about the good days, and sometimes the bad. I hope that my talking about it will make people more comfortable and more aware, and hopefully will turn into advocates. 

I love politics, especially national politics. Hell, my graduate school time was spent focusing on how government works. That's it. So one the midterm elections start, I'm in ranting heaven. I'm not naive or that arrogant to believe that my rants will change anyone's mind, but I love a good debate. 

I love yoga, meditation, environmental and social issues and television. I want to write about all of it, but from a contemplative place. I don't want to just write to write. Nor do I want to get so deep into things that I don't even know what I'm talking about. 

I finally feel like a blogger again. 

Reflections on the upcoming holidays

It seems early to be thinking about Thanksgiving, but for me, it's not. Since moving to California, my husband and I have celebrated most, if not all, holidays with our friends who have become our family. You'd be surprised by how many NY Transplants live within 30 miles of me. In any case, this will be the first Thanksgiving that I haven't hosted or helped plan.

Let me be clear: I loathe the traditional meaning of Thanksgiving. Or anything that ignores the destruction of the Native people living here. Thanksgiving for me is about family - the family into which we were born and the family we chose. It's about being with the people you love most and doing what we fail to do most of the year - tell them how much we really care.

This year, we're celebrating Thanksgiving with another one of the families we've chosen. I'm so grateful to have them in my lives. The kids are some of the sweetest and fun and the adults all rock.

Today's prompt is about our favorite holiday memory. This was an easy one. It's more of a collection of memories. Every year, my parents, brother and I went to my godfather's house to celebrate.

My godfather, Stefan, was an amazing man and a wonderful Uncle to me. I adored that man more than words can describe. Stefan was my dad's best friend from high school. They, as well as a handful of other friends and their significant others, remained close well after graduation and many children. These friends are my aunts and uncles and my Uncle Stefan's mother is my grandmother.

Every year we would walk in to hear Grandma Alice greeting my dad as Pay - blo  instead of Pablo as she put the yams with marshmallows in the oven. The television would be on to whatever game the guys were into, the floor was littered with kids playing games and catching up. The food was always mouth-watering good, and it seems like we ate for hours and hours. More than the particulars of each holiday, I remember feeling the warmth, safety, love and friendship that filled them.

My Uncle Stefan passed away when I was in college and the group holiday gatherings stopped. I miss my aunts and uncles and the many cousins who I only see on Facebook. No matter how much time passes, or how much we change, the memories with my very large and crazy family will always make me cherish the holidays.

Have I mentioned I love NaBloPoMo?

Whenever I start writing, I usually stare at a blank page for days, waiting for inspiration to hit. Needless to say, that has left me with a lot of blank pages and frustrated days.

NaBloPoMo provides prompts every single day so I don't have to think much. Today's prompt asks me to write about an imaginary brand or organization that I'd love to work with.

I don't have anything to say on this topic. Rather, I have way too much to say, so I won't say anything at all.

Content Warning: I am about to reference the Vampire Diaries and it's fairly depressing.

The wonderful folks at NaBloPoMo give prompts for Monday through Friday of each week. I have a backlog of posts that I've never uploaded and pictures that need to be shared each weekend. 

Anyway, I am a latecomer to the whole Vampire Diaries thing. My bff China convinced me to watch it and I'm hooked. It's like cotton candy for the brain. You know it's artificial and terrible for your brain, but you can't stop. 

I'm in the middle of Season Three. For the uninitiated, here's the short story: The arrival of vampires in town disrupts the lives of a core group of people. Many people die and the female protagonist feels like she doesn't know how to incorporate who she is now with the younger, innocent self of the time before the vampires. Her good friend (I'm so Team Matt right now) tells her that she can't live her life trying to be everything to everyone. That person doesn't exist anymore. They decide to hold a "funeral" for her old self - just a few words and a couple of dandelions tossed into a river. 

The point is that so often in life we mourn for the past to such an extent that it eclipses our present and future. It's hard. There are some events or experiences that are so profound that they change you forever. For better or for worse, the person you are now is the person you are now. In all of your greatness and flaws, this is who you are.

One of the difficulties of living with a chronic illness is this concept of mourning. So many of us hold on to the idea of the "old" us as our real identity, and this person is just a temporary situation. I frequently mourn the fact that I'm not the kayak-loving, sunbathing, park-cleaning ball of energy that I used to be. I've held that as the standard by which I measure myself for so long that anything else seems like a failure. When I let go of my automatic prejudice against the present me, when I let go of the idealized previous me, I kind of like the person I am today. I'm smart, funny, witty, and adorable like a weeble is adorable. I am fairly accomplished and respected in certain fields. And I write seriously funny political/debate rants on twitter. 

I'm sure some will say it's morbid, but the more I think about it, I think there should be some journey passage ritual for something like this. A full-out funeral with people wouldn't work for me, or even a small gathering of best friends (Think The Fault in the Stars). For me, this grief and mourning is something deep and personal. I imagine that I'll go out to one of my local parks with a creek - my favorite kind of park. There will be some meditation involved and maybe something corny like the flowers in the creek. Something to say goodbye to my old life so I can fully and appreciatively live in the present. 

Do you have any ideas that might work for a ritual like this? 

Have you gone through something similar where you had to say goodbye to a huge portion of your life or your personality? 

Mr. Jon Snow

As you know, our beloved Cocker spaniel, Lars, passed away from an aggressive case of lymphoma in December 2013. I was devastated and thought that I could never handle that kind of grief again.

Time doesn't heal all sounds, but it does give you the gift of objectivity over time. When I think of Lars, I laugh at his silliness and neuroses and idiosyncrasies. He was such a character and I miss him. When my life got to the point of being bed ridden, he was next to me day in and day out. He was an amazing pet and I'm honored to have had him in my life.

After ten long months, the husband and I decided that we were ready for another furry friend. We went to the West Valley Animal Shelter here in LA and within a few hours we found our guy.

Snowflake was the mist low-key dog we saw. At two years old, this adorable white terrier mix just called to us. When we brought him into the "get to know you" room, he got up and sat under my arm on his own. Needless to say, we knew right then we belonged together.

Mr. Jon Snow, as he is now known, is such a sweetie who is all about the belly rubs, playing with his stuffed animals and as many walks as he can squeeze out. He is completely house broken, leash trained, and has obviously had some obedience training. I'm completely in love.

He even has his own tumblr account: www.DogJonSnow.tumblr.com.

Happy November!

November Writing, I'm back for a while, and other randoms

November is a fun time for me. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because I either host or attend potlucks with friends whose families aren't in the state. It is always a fantastic time.

This is the first year we won't be doing that because our core group of friends has scattered. We have an invitation to spend the holiday with a very dear family, so I'm looking forward to new traditions.

I've decided to return to blogging in November because it is NaNoWriMo. I want to write a short story this year and I figure that I can avoid writer's block by making myself write daily. NaBloPoMo has prompts for every day of the month, so I'll use that as my cues.

If you want my rambling opinion on something, let me know. My strongest feelings right now are on the dying with dignity issue, health awareness campaigns (as in the ALS bucket challenge, celebrity involvement and how sometimes it is just some wrong), climate change, Unitarian universalism, secular humanism, benefits of volunteering, and the failings of the nonprofit world, government benefits programs, and fun stuff like that. I also like to rant about people ranting about government not working without any real understanding of how government is actually created to work.

Anyway, I'm back for November.

Of course I have to give my obligatory health update: still sick enough that I can't work. Up to 20ish meds a day. Feeling like crap 90% of the time. I have a great support network that makes life easier, more interesting and fun.

Please let me know what topics you'd like me to talk about. :)














- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Jon Snow

Meet my new buddy, Jon Snow.

I'm back for a bit - June 2014

Yet again I have fallen off the blogging map and it is for a good reason. I really had nothing to say. Life has been fairly quiet but good. Yes, my health is still an issue and yes, I've had new diagnoses and med changes. But I'd rather not focus on that. In fairness, it is after midnight and I just took migraine meds a my rarely used friend percocet. So please forgive any odd phrases.

I've fallen in love with some not-great television shows. Netflix is a blessing and a curse. Shows like Lost Girl and Arrow keep me entertained for hours. My beloved Community was canceled but Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. was renewed. And season two of Orange is the New Black was released less than an hour ago. Summer TV breaks suck but I think I have enough to keep me going.

I've also been writing and editing like crazy. The novel that I completed for my Camp NaNoWriMo in April will eventually be an eBook. No, it won't be published under my name and I won't provide the link until some random internet strangers tear it apart. I know I'm being weird about this but I can't help it.

I am doing a new Camp NaNoWriMo in July and right now I am stuck on a topic. My creativity is a bit fried after all the writing, editing, formatting, etc. If you have any ideas, shoot them my way.  I have my "backup" ideas and a few short stories, but nothing solid in mind.

One of the biggest helps was attending my silent writing group - we talk at the beginning and then spend two hours in silence working on our own projects. It sounds weird but is actually fun, welcoming and inspiring.

I would also love some advice and feedback on how to get nonfiction articles published. There are so many "what to do" and "what to say" articles out there and I have no idea how to get in with a site that fits my interests.

And finally - back to bring conscious. Today I'm talking about the electric bill. I live in the high desert and it gets hot as hades up in this place. I'm trying to figure out how to recalibrate my body so I don't break the AC before the end of June. I'm slowly acclimating myself to warmer inside temps, cooler clothing and lots of ice water. I found that I have the hardest time leaving my very comfortably cool apartment, stepping into the sweltering heat and then back in to my chilly car. I have pretty strong temperature sensitivity so finding a balance is crucial. I also don't want to contribute to any brown outs or blackouts.

What do you do to keep cool? Any other thoughts?