Things are chugging along. Saw my rheum, rescheduled my appointments with other specialists, started going back to church, went to my monthly support group, blah blah blah. I'm working on the depression bit, and trying to be more social.
I've been doing a LOT of research on my new project - decorating our apartment. I have more paint samples on walls than I care to admit, and Pinterest became more interesting. We have all sorts of fun ideas - we have a chalkboard wall, a boho feel in the living room, a shabby chic bathroom, another fun blue bathroom, and a green bedroom. It sounds wild, but it's coming together very nicely.
I cancelled my gym membership - I couldn't justify it since I wasn't going. It just wasn't what I wanted or needed. I did sign up for a tai chi class, and I'm going to renew my membership to my local yoga studio. My doctor is finally on board with this, so September will be a good month.
On the health front, I start chemo next week or the week after - every other week for 3 months - in addition to ridiculous amounts of steroids. It sounds scary, and I am scared, but my doctor thinks that with that and some other treatment he can put my colon into remission within a year.
Gah! A year! I was incredibly upset by this news at first. The thought of chemo and other aggressive treatments, feeling lousy and fighting for a year was disheartening and sad. But as my wonderful husband pointed out a year from now there is a very good chance that I won't be dealing with these issues anymore. I may be as close to healthy as I get. And for the first time in a long time, I have hope.
It's a good day.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Everything's Going to be Alright...
I've been thinking to changing the name of my blog to Elyse's Counscious Ramblings instead, because I haven't talked much about yoga, paleo, etc....you know, the reason I started the blog.
I'm sure I'll get back to that in a while, but right now I'm focused on recovery, whatever that means. Lately it seems to be maintaining the status quo and not getting worse.
I've been much happier lately, for lots of reasons. This home decorating project has been really fun. We haven't done anything yet, but we have definite ideas for exactly not one room in the apartment. Every time we find an idea, we find something we want to do that sounds more fun. Chalk paint? Magnetic scrabble board on the wall? A map with pins of places we have traveled (shamelessly stealing this idea from our friends the Browns), crate coffee table that I am going to build?? Heck yeah.
I've also been attempting to be more social, whether online or in person. I've seen more people in the last three weeks than I have in months. It's been awesome.
I'm also planning ahead. If there is any cure for depression (for me - and i'm not a doctor, I only play one on tv) is planning ahead and creating to do lists, etc. This fall will be interesting. In addition to all the other classes I signed up for, I found a 2 month tai-chi class, which I'm very excted about. I'm also canceling my membership the box gym and going back to my yoga studio. I know my rheumy is against it, but how can I stop for good? It brings me so much happiness - both physical and spiritual.
I'm also taking the time to appreciate what I have, figure out what I want vs. what I need, and am working on that. And that means spending lots of time with people I love. First and foremost my husband, but also my friends and family.
On the technical health front, I have vasculopathy of the brain, which apparently isn't a big deal, so yay? My colon is acting up, but I'm sure you wanted to know that :p
Taking one day at a time, one moment at a time and trying to love and own each bit of it.
I'm sure I'll get back to that in a while, but right now I'm focused on recovery, whatever that means. Lately it seems to be maintaining the status quo and not getting worse.
I've been much happier lately, for lots of reasons. This home decorating project has been really fun. We haven't done anything yet, but we have definite ideas for exactly not one room in the apartment. Every time we find an idea, we find something we want to do that sounds more fun. Chalk paint? Magnetic scrabble board on the wall? A map with pins of places we have traveled (shamelessly stealing this idea from our friends the Browns), crate coffee table that I am going to build?? Heck yeah.
I've also been attempting to be more social, whether online or in person. I've seen more people in the last three weeks than I have in months. It's been awesome.
I'm also planning ahead. If there is any cure for depression (for me - and i'm not a doctor, I only play one on tv) is planning ahead and creating to do lists, etc. This fall will be interesting. In addition to all the other classes I signed up for, I found a 2 month tai-chi class, which I'm very excted about. I'm also canceling my membership the box gym and going back to my yoga studio. I know my rheumy is against it, but how can I stop for good? It brings me so much happiness - both physical and spiritual.
I'm also taking the time to appreciate what I have, figure out what I want vs. what I need, and am working on that. And that means spending lots of time with people I love. First and foremost my husband, but also my friends and family.
On the technical health front, I have vasculopathy of the brain, which apparently isn't a big deal, so yay? My colon is acting up, but I'm sure you wanted to know that :p
Taking one day at a time, one moment at a time and trying to love and own each bit of it.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
How Life is Going- Finally an Update!
I'm alive and kicking in the SCV (Santa Clarita Valley - 25 miles north of LA proper). I thought I would give you an update. I've started this post a million times but couldn't really put a positive spin on anything. As you know, I was in a deep, deep depression. I'm not "cured" but I'm definitely climbing my way away from rock bottom.
My medical news hasn't gotten better. I'm jacked up on a ton of steroids that are keeping my colon from becoming inflamed and bleeding but is destroying the rest of me. My diabetes and moods are out of control, I shake like I'm having a seizure 24/7, and I have had some of the worst joint and bone pain I've had since being diagnosed over 6 years ago. I'm not even going to talk about the water retention and weight gain. Anyone who has been on high doses of prednisone or solumedrol knows what I am talking about. My last appointment with my rheumatologist was not really comforting. We know that I need to get off of the steroids but we don't have an option to treat my colon long term. So the steroids are keeping the colon alive and well, but I have to get off the steroids. Without any options right now, I basically have to hold on and deal with it. I go back in three weeks.
So here's how I've been holding on. Therapy. It helps. Extra medication - I almost never take anything for pain - not because I'm trying to prove something, but I am afraid of masking a symptom with pain medication and missing something. So I asked for a pain medication for the first time since signing up with my current rheumy. Right now I'm taking 2 percocets a day and it has changed my life. I have been able to get out of bed and do things, like go to the store or walk my dog. I also got a prescription for anxiety that has the marvelous side effect of calming the tremors down. I no longer look like a walking seizure and I can use a non-sippy cup.
I've also been holding up by meditating. When you spend that much time in bed/couch in pain, you can't help but meditate. I do mindfulness meditation and I think it's having a positive effect.
Stretching whenever I get up. Simple, I know. It hurts, but I don't want to atrophy.
Reaching out to friends and being honest. I'm great at acting like I'm doing much better than I am, and I'm pretty flippant when it comes to scary news. I never admit I'm scared and try to act like everything is normal when it's not. Surprise - that was weird and off putting to friends so I was isolating myself. When I gave myself permission to be sad, to grieve, I was able to be honest with my friends and family, and they have become nearer and dearer since.
Projects: I get bored very easily, and sitting around and staring at the walls gets boring. So after a long discussion with my husband, we decided that we want to stay in our apartment past the 1 year lease and we want to decorate to really reflect our personalities. He's doing his bathroom and the office, and I'll be decorating the rest of the apartment. Pinterest has become useful again, and I'm getting some fun ideas for different areas of the apartment - red subway tile backsplashes, a green accent wall in the bedroom, air purifying plants, artwork that I plan on creating, etc. It really has me jazzed.
I'm also reading a lot more. I have decided to take advantage of the public library just 6 minutes away from home. I'm reading everything from fiction to anatomy. Here are just a few things that make me happy right now:
my books from the library for this month
My August Glam Bag Products
My brand-spanking new pill case that ensures I'm taking everything -including my supplements. It was difficult before because I just didn't have enough space and I would lose track of what I was taking (supplement wise).
I haven't been physically active in the running/biking/yoga sense because my body can't handle it right now, but I'm doing every little bit I can to get my life in order. I want to live life, not just watch it go by from my very comfy couch.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
My medical news hasn't gotten better. I'm jacked up on a ton of steroids that are keeping my colon from becoming inflamed and bleeding but is destroying the rest of me. My diabetes and moods are out of control, I shake like I'm having a seizure 24/7, and I have had some of the worst joint and bone pain I've had since being diagnosed over 6 years ago. I'm not even going to talk about the water retention and weight gain. Anyone who has been on high doses of prednisone or solumedrol knows what I am talking about. My last appointment with my rheumatologist was not really comforting. We know that I need to get off of the steroids but we don't have an option to treat my colon long term. So the steroids are keeping the colon alive and well, but I have to get off the steroids. Without any options right now, I basically have to hold on and deal with it. I go back in three weeks.
So here's how I've been holding on. Therapy. It helps. Extra medication - I almost never take anything for pain - not because I'm trying to prove something, but I am afraid of masking a symptom with pain medication and missing something. So I asked for a pain medication for the first time since signing up with my current rheumy. Right now I'm taking 2 percocets a day and it has changed my life. I have been able to get out of bed and do things, like go to the store or walk my dog. I also got a prescription for anxiety that has the marvelous side effect of calming the tremors down. I no longer look like a walking seizure and I can use a non-sippy cup.
I've also been holding up by meditating. When you spend that much time in bed/couch in pain, you can't help but meditate. I do mindfulness meditation and I think it's having a positive effect.
Stretching whenever I get up. Simple, I know. It hurts, but I don't want to atrophy.
Reaching out to friends and being honest. I'm great at acting like I'm doing much better than I am, and I'm pretty flippant when it comes to scary news. I never admit I'm scared and try to act like everything is normal when it's not. Surprise - that was weird and off putting to friends so I was isolating myself. When I gave myself permission to be sad, to grieve, I was able to be honest with my friends and family, and they have become nearer and dearer since.
Projects: I get bored very easily, and sitting around and staring at the walls gets boring. So after a long discussion with my husband, we decided that we want to stay in our apartment past the 1 year lease and we want to decorate to really reflect our personalities. He's doing his bathroom and the office, and I'll be decorating the rest of the apartment. Pinterest has become useful again, and I'm getting some fun ideas for different areas of the apartment - red subway tile backsplashes, a green accent wall in the bedroom, air purifying plants, artwork that I plan on creating, etc. It really has me jazzed.
I'm also reading a lot more. I have decided to take advantage of the public library just 6 minutes away from home. I'm reading everything from fiction to anatomy. Here are just a few things that make me happy right now:
my books from the library for this month
My August Glam Bag Products
My brand-spanking new pill case that ensures I'm taking everything -including my supplements. It was difficult before because I just didn't have enough space and I would lose track of what I was taking (supplement wise).
I haven't been physically active in the running/biking/yoga sense because my body can't handle it right now, but I'm doing every little bit I can to get my life in order. I want to live life, not just watch it go by from my very comfy couch.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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