So 2014...Not bad so far. I'm not going to go so far as to say good, but that's because I"m a pessimist like that. As I recall correctly, the last time I jokingly shook my fist at karma/the universe I ended up having a diabetic seizure a few hours later. So none of that here.
What's been going on?
A two week trip to NY. The husband was sent for work and I decided it would be a great time to catch up with friends in family I haven't seen in over five years. It was an amazing trip on so many levels. I did, unfortunately, spend most of my time in bed at my parents because the cold just slayed me. But the people I did see and the times I did have were so emotionally fulfilling that I can't even begin to regret it.
The flu - I has it. I've had it for like a month now which means I've been quarantined at home. Most of my friends either work or are also immunosuppressed. Since I'm not trying to kill anyone, home I stay.
In January, I decided that this was the year that I was going to write a book. I was on FIRE. 250 pages in 10 days. It was/is TERRIBLE and will never be read by anyone. I can't bring myself to delete it because it was so much fun writing it. Then I started on a short story series based around a strong female character. The goal was to write a story about a woman who struggles to find the balance of having a high-powered career, a meaningful romantic relationship and strong friendships. The story of most women - can you really have it all without sacrificing a part of yourself. The story actually ended up evolving to focus on the male protagonist - and it was a story about how a man can learn to be vulnerable and go against the grain of everything we believe a man should be (macho, never cries, always too strong, not-emotional) without being a wuss.
Sadly, I found that the two characters couldn't coexist within the confines of my story. If one got what they wanted, the other sacrificed. If both sacrificed, there was dissatisfaction. For me, it was a huge disappointment. Why was I drawn more to the male character's vulnerability? Why was it so hard to write about a woman with strength? What does that say about me? What does that say about society as a whole? I'm still grappling with answering those questions and write now my writing is on hold. In a world where I will always make less than my equally qualified male counterparts, in a world where taking time off to have or raise children will set me back significantly in the workforce, in a world where my diseases either prevent me from working or not having the meaningful career I have worked so hard to achieve, why is it so hard to contemplate a strong female archetype?
Part of me knows the answer. No matter how enlightened I believe myself to be, there is the not-so-subtle programming of society at work that manifested itself in my story. I want to find my voice, and a woman who compromises life goals and dreams is not it. So we'll see.
I have two other stories germinating in the back of my mind, but neither is ready to come out. Writing has been an interesting process. I've done everything from outlining and researching to free writing for 250 pages. I am not particularly satisfied with either, so it's a work in progress.
I was going to say it has certainly rained on my parade, but I'm trying to stay away from bad puns today.
Music has become a huge part of my life the last two months. I listen to it constantly, as it helps stave the boredom. I'm playing my bass for the first time in years. Omar found RockSmith - think Guitar Hero using a real instrument. I can actually play songs now! (will post more on that soon). Music has probably been my saving grace. It soothes me, it motivates me and it entertains me. Thanks to my addiction to Spotify, I can listen to pretty much whatever I want whenever I want. So much better than paying for music or just limiting myself to what I already have.
My favorite band right now is Arctic Monkeys and my favorite song by far is "Do I Wanna Know?"
So happy Friday, all. I'm bored and I'm back.
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