Grateful

Apologies for this unpolished post. Just got some news and I am raw and reflecting on it.

About a month ago I got a call from my rheumatologist, who I see at least once a month for my lupus, that my blood work results came back funky. Apparently I had high levels of protein in my blood that could signify early onset of a specific type of cancer. 

Considering all I've been through with my health, I felt like I took the news in stride. I made an appointment for the following week with a hematologist and didn't think too much on it.  I figured my luck couldn't be that bad. Leading up to the appointment I became more and more agitated.

Thankfully the doctor was knowledgeable and sweet and really calmed my fears. Apparently the specific protein that was high could possibly mean multiple myeloma, but I was so far at the low end of high that it was highly unlikely.  After this reassurance I was shipped off to the lab and told I would heat back in three weeks.

Ten minutes ago I got THE phone call.  Thankfully I am cancer free and I had just an abnormal test result.  I have to follow up in three months as a precaution, but that's it.

One would think that living with several incurable diseases would male me immune to the fear that comes with a maybe have cancer scenario, but I have been living on edge for weeks.

This served as yet another reminder of how precious life is and how I so badly want to live whatever life I am given to the fullest. Every day I can get up and do something. I am going to honor my body like the temple it is, exercise, eat well, meditate, and spread joy, love and light whenever possible.

Grateful.