Sunday Confessionals

I love yoga. I love the asanas, the very act of going to class, the atmosphere of my studio (Yoga Works Larchmont), and the philosophy behind it. I feel that yoga was instrumental in the healing that I've seen over the last year.

So here's my confession. I haven't been on the mat for nearly two months. At first there were some legitimate reasons - my lupus was flaring and I had trouble walking, standing, etc. Then the reasons became psychological - I became trapped in my head and focused on what my body couldn't do. I started to get sucked into work, my disease - which was legitimately acting up - and so many external sources that I forgot something very basic.

Yoga is life, yoga is balance, yoga is calm, yoga is bliss. I know not everyone feels the same way, but for me, yoga has become my rock in an ever unpredictable world.

Yesterday, a dear friend suggested that I subscribe to Yoga Journal, which I did. I read a wonderful article on Mistaken Identity, which focused on one of the Sutras of Pantajali.

Asmita (False identification) is confusing the nature of the seer or Self with with the nature of the instrument of perception. In other words, false identification happens when we mistake the mind, body, or senses for the True Self. Yoga Sutra II.6.

What I realized when reading this article is that I had been placing my self worth in external perceptions - of what my boss thought of me, what my husband was feeling at the moment, of what a particular volunteer said to me...and I lost my True Self that I had discovered through the process of attempting to live the eight limbs of yoga. That self is the core, unshakable, unchangeable part of me that IS me - light, love, and peace.



I woke up today sore and not feeling well but determined to get to my 10:30 yoga class. I felt that if I could do that, I would regain some of the balance that I had been aching for since I stepped off of the mat. Today's practice was a gentle yoga, with an additional focus on meditation. I can't begin to describe how wonderful it was to connect to the inner self through the asanas and pranayama. I was rooted in my practice, and only fell over once (a record for me - terrible balance here) but my core, my Self felt like it had been reawakened.




And that was worth more than anything.

I don't often feel appropriate/ comfortable saying this, but




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