Well, that was depressing

As many of you know, between my lupus, my colon, my heart, chronic depression blah blah blah, I am not working and am in the application process for disability. I simply can't do what I used to do.

This morning I had a call scheduled with my social security rep to answer some required questionnaires. Holy moly! This is top ten single most depressing things I've ever done.

I had to go through my activities of daily living - what I can no longer do on my own (a lot), what I need reminders for (a lot) and what I can do on my own (not much).

Then we went through my work history for the last 20 years. We didn't go that far back, although we could have, but yeah. I've done a lot over the last several years and I've pushed my body to the limits. So much so that there are things that I can probably never do again, things that I just can't do as well, and things that will return in time. I went from working almost 7 days a week to sleeping 18 hours a day. I'm not having fun. I'm fucking mad and sad and angry. I'll get over it, of course, but right now I had to let it out. I'm going to go cry in the shower now as I get ready for my next appointment.

And why, Zofran, can I only take you every 4 hours???




I got back into writing for NaNoWriMo yesterday and it felt pretty good. I may try again after my shower.







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