Reflections

I haven't posted much of anything the last few days because of the tragedies in Connecticut and in China. It seems as if anything I had to say would be petty and self-centered in the wake of these devastating losses. My challenges will always remain, but no one should have to experience what these families are going through.

I also couldn't handle the political rantings on facebook and elsewhere. Yes, there needs to be a discourse on gun control and mental health. Yes, we need to talk about the callousness of the media trying to interview children as they were leaving the school, but for fucks sake, let people mourn their dead. There is much that needs to be done, but none of it should be done by exploiting the grief and terror of people as it happens. *rant over*



December for me has always been a time of rest, renewal and planning. Work-wise, it's the only month I don't have an event, so I spend my time relaxing and getting ready for the upcoming year. I also have the last week off, so there's a bit of excitement to it. Because I tend to run in high gear the rest of the year, I slow down considerably for the last month of the year.

Recently, I was told at work that while I'm still meeting expectations, I'm no longer exceeding them. To some, that may not sound like a big deal, but my boss is big on us being superstars. So this was no idle comment. I pretty much kicked ass this year. But I also learned a lot.

A year ago, I was just coming off of months of chemo and on transplant anti-rejection medication to control my lupus. I weighed my heaviest ever, was in constant pain and it took all my willpower to get through the day. I knew then, as I know now, it's the price I pay for doing all I do year round. You can't live with as many chronic diseases as I do and not pay a price. For me, it's minimum of a month of being practically bedridden and in ridiculous amounts of pain. When I started on a new treatment plan just about a year ago, I made a promise to myself, and to my darling husband, that I would no longer let work, school, or anything run me into the ground like I did in the past. It was beyond time that I decided to seek a balance in life that would allow me to do what I wanted and needed professionally while maintaining the energy to be a good wife, friend, daughter, sister, cousin, etc.

The last year has brought about some of the biggest changes in my life. I decided that it was time to put my health first. As I say to my friend Cecilia all the time, in an airplane, you have to put on your mask first before you can help anyone else. I haven't been doing that for a long time. Truth be told, I still have trouble with it. But this year, I started. I took therapy seriously for the first time. I started looking at my relationship with food and started making changes that nourished my body and found other ways to treat my soul. I discovered yoga and found the calm and peace in practice. I stepped up my meditation practice to the point where I could actually feel it influencing my day-to-day life.


So to hear that the "old" Elyse was missed was a bit traumatic. The Old Elyse would sacrifice her body, time and energy to make things happen. The old Elyse worked 7 days a week, often wrote emails at 3am, and gave everything to a job I believed in.

I still believe in and love my job. I just fell in love with me more. I decided I am worth the effort it takes to maintain a work/life balance. I decided that being a whole person who may be good in all areas in my life is better than someone who sacrifices all to be a superstar in one area only.


The Old Elyse is gone. I'm not quite sure how I'll exceed expectations again, but I can tell you I'm exceeding my own. I am a better wife, friend, relative and person for the care I've given myself, and will continue to work on being so. Because I am worth it.


Life is precious. You only have one, and we know all too well how easily it can end. My moment of clarity was being placed on chemotherapy for "the foreseeable future" last year. For someone else, it might be the tragedies of this past week. Either way, remember that you shouldn't live to work, but work to live, and that life is more than just being there. Enjoy life. Tell those closest to you how much they mean to you. Hug your friends and release the anger towards your enemies.

Be at peace. Be happy. Be light. Be love. Be you.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad